A $275 running mask?! The Alpha Merp% Virtual Racing System is ready for launch!

A $275 running mask?! The Alpha Merp% Virtual Racing System is ready for launch!

In development for what feels like 10 years, the Alpha Merp% Virtual Racing System may look like your average mask with a merp smile but it's not. The "Merp" is actually the elevation profile of the famed Heartbreak Hill. Furthermore, this mask is actually a system designed for virtual racing and you can tell because on the side it says "Virtual Racing System". With seemingly every race making the wise decision to go virtual, Heartbreak decided to invest heavily in the research and development of the perfect accompaniment to the world major marathon that will now take place on your block with just you. First, our scientists decided which color of fabric to use. After narrowing the two available options down to just one, they went ahead with the arduous process of choosing an ink color. Countless hours, endless nights bleeding into early mornings, and barrels of coffee later, a clear winner emerged: black. The ink must be black because... actually, the reasoning behind that decision is proprietary. In the final stages of the design, we were very concerned that athletes like Eliud Kipchoge might have an unfair advantage over our athletes given his experience in virtual races in Monza, Italy and Vienna, Austria  so we decided to use some of the exact same science behind the sub-2:00 hour marathon in our system. That's why each mask, priced at just $275, comes with a free pair of the Nike Alphafly Next%. Get your mask and your Alphaflys at 10AM ET on July 2nd right here ONLY at Heartbreak. 


3 comments


  • Kevin Decoteau
    This made me smile. :) The only nike thing I like is there lite running gloves.

  • Jack Fultz

    Very cute – well done. I wonder who will be the first to inquire about your return policy: if one returns a purchased mask (unopened and within 30 days, of course) do they get a full refund – and be allowed to keep the “free” accompanying gift?


  • Khalil Saint Rose

    Please have an abundant amount of merchandise available. 10:01 sold out is very disappointing


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